Prelude to September

“Cry. Then cry some more.

What is it you really want? You don’t know.

What is it you don’t want? That you know.

So does the -ve(-ve)= +ve theory apply here?

Maybe?

What is maybe? Maybe is also -ve(+ve). Which is technically -ve, but all the same we ignore that. Ignorance is bliss.”

Hey! Read that and tell me you like what you read, with an English point of view. Of course you don’t. Neither do I. But I used to write like that for a long time.

Now, this is not to say that I am remembering where my roots are or something, it’s to actually see that even when I couldn’t really put my thoughts into proper meaning, I wrote anyway. Sure, it involved a lot less editing and made Grammar Nazi’s squirm (my sister being the first in that line). But still, it never got me down to wondering whether it mattered what I wrote made sense. I did do that selfish bit in the last post, now didn’t I?

The primary reason for my absence from the keyboard has been exactly that. It’s the same reason why I stopped writing a novel despite having a solid story line and sketches of characters at the age of 16. I’m scared. I fear judgment. I have been in such awe of how everyone else writes that I concluded that mine will never be accepted the same way. And what good is any of it if I’m not accepted, right? What is the point of life if you’re not doing things the way they’re meant to be done?

I’ll have to admit typing that last line was a real headache for me. You, my reader, knows very well I’m not that kind of person. If that were true, I won’t be writing this right now. I’d be studying for some random exam coming up in a few days time. Which I have no real clue when it is. So. Yeah. Moving on.

In my exile from blogging, I have been-you guessed it-blogging someplace else. Of course, those 3-4 articles were much more technical and based on a particular topic rather than the one too many I gobble inside 600 odd words here. But still, once I wrote those articles, I told myself, “You don’t need to blog for now. You just posted an article. So what if it’s not on your own blog. Still counts as writing. Let’s go sleep.”That last bit is still true. Let’s not dwell on it too much otherwise I’ll sleep before I post this.

But when I got the courage to fight my inner Snorlax (been high on Pokémon), I just started to jot down my ideas at the back of my notebook. This happened mostly when I was sitting alone in class, thinking why I was there in the first place. Now, instead of converting those short points into a huge individual article, I’ll just Crtl+V them.

“Lonely--> Most precious time. Don’t get enough of it. Talk 2 yourself. Find out answers to questions that bug you all day.

Similar to a vacation where we delay all work. When you get this time, use it well. Can happen anytime. In a class (obv not studying), sitting next to people you are not talking to. Go through your brain’s file history for those unresolved issues. You’ll be surprised about the answers you find.

Don’t Speak up, just run things in the monitor of your head. Use those zeta bytes of RAM of your true personal computer of a brain.”

You could argue that I should probably start just doing that from now on. Would probably save us all some time but then, where’s the fun in doing that? And if that were truly how you wanted me to convey my thoughts, then:

a)      It isn’t my thoughts you want conveyed.

b)      You wouldn’t be reading this in the first place.

Now I got to go beat the Elite Four on Pokémon FireRed. Again. Because I messed up the last time when I thought that would be end of the game and didn’t save the game. Meh.

'Catch' ya in a bit.