Shadow Of Doubt

Recovery. That's one word I heard more than any other over the past 2 months or so since I discovered about a certain knee op that came my way. Which is what I am using to claim my absence from the airwaves. Obviously, that in itself wasn't the biggest reason why I couldn't write. But still, after 12 posts on this blog, even you, my darling reader, are sure to know I don't give up the plot so easily.
Its been a hard task just deciding how to start this article, which, to be fair, happens almost every time. The headings are tougher to figure out than the body itself, but sometimes, there's a perfect fit. And when there isn't; I either have a huge unnamed article or a few lines about a very promising heading. And believe me, its happened more than once: I have more than 3 drafts that could've been a very well read, or just about piss anyone off not to comeback again. So, I stick to what I think is the best solution. Don't write up until the point where I don't really need to think about what I am writing. Since its already coming out into words over my keyboard.
^That's a little bit too over self centered of a paragraph, don't you think? Look at the number of "I's! Its almost as if everyone's been waiting for an update as to whatever happened to Kurt Dane. But then again, returning to action is never easy. And a little bit of lee way to let someone get in their stride is no harm, Yes?

From time to time, there are certain phases in our lives where we don't exactly realize what the problem is. Or if there is even a problem or not. Sometimes, there arrives a certain lull in everyday proceedings where we just don't quite feel as to everything is OK. Whether everything moving just about fine is also correct or not. Why we can't seem to get answers to those minute & often meaningless questions which in any other situation may have little or no weight, but still prick us for no apparent reason. And some absolutely dumb questions in our own minds that makes oneself wonder as to "Why would I even want to know that?".
Of course, this is a fairly natural reaction to pretty much any object in movement for a while. Take the simple example of a you driving your car at decent speed, an abrupt halt for no particular reason on the road gets your mind to wander into possibilities as to what exactly was the reason for the brakes. And the same can be seen in action for a brain where after a long time of constant work,meeting deadlines and various other vigorous tasks, there comes a sudden period of inactivity. Where in you feel as though you're under-worked and your body starts to react to that in response of opposite times of lethargy and over reactions.
Following up with a simple theory of Crest and Troughs, there is a rather complex point of getting out of the mentioned Trough.

You see, it is not just the said bodily reactions that start harming a person in an enforced lull; it is the fact that his mind starts to hit overdrive on every given opportunity. Since it is under used, any topic, no matter how lame, becomes a big deal for the mind to create various scenarios about. Its not so much hallucinations than a negative seed being implanted in your brain against yourself. Further, the brain is not in limbo as many might assume. It is starved for some action. And hence, it starts making some of its own.
Every action we take has a different, yet somewhat similar reaction by the brain. The questions, "Why this?" or "Why not this?" and then the indifference, "You don't need to do this." or "This is too much trouble, let it be." which eventually lead to, "You probably can't do this."
Every person walks with a shadow. Your body silhouettes itself on the Earth every time the Sun comes up. It follows you around and gives you the licence of not being termed a Vampire. And each time you look around, you find it waiting in your wake, as to say, "I'm completely what you want me to be".
Check again. There is a shadow of doubt over all of us each time we choose not to do something because it is too damn hard. Or because it is probably not the trouble you would have to put yourself into. Or there is slight chance that you're going to embarrass yourself.
And this is not going to change. Not unless you step out of that bubble of protection that you are currently residing in. Every now and then we always get small opportunities to do something we otherwise believe is something we really want to do, but just because some one once said that we can't do it, so we don't. Or that after going into the lull period we makes ourselves so much at home that it seems pointless to even return to the job we once thought was the reason we were living everyday with a full smile.

There's nothing else. That's the point. Its YOU v/s YOU. That's the battle you need to win. And believe me, You will know whether you won or not.

Recovering from any kind of setback, or inactivity, is never going to be a problem. Its a natural process even if you decide not to raise a finger to aid the situation. Its what comes after you've got your tools back is what matters. Because you don't give up when you think you can't do it. You give up when you agree to the voice which says, "You were probably never meant to."